Stuart Laws ("very funny" New York Post) and David Hannant ("Intelligent humour" New Kid) present a fast-paced and funny podcast that takes on any topic and adds ridiculous jingles, stupid characters and an obsession with wordplay.

In preparation for the April premiere of season 4, Stuart & David present to you a compilation episode of all the best bits from season 3. First recorded in winter 2012 this podcast and the accompanying best ofs season 1 & 2 will be the perfect recordings to entice your friends into listening to the explosive 4th season.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Stuart Laws ("very funny" New York Post) and David Hannant ("Intelligent humour" New Kid) present a fast-paced and funny podcast that takes on any topic and adds ridiculous jingles, stupid characters and an obsession with wordplay.

In preparation for the April premiere of season 4, Stuart & David present to you a compilation episode of all the best bits from season 2. First recorded in summer 2012 this podcast and the accompanying best ofs season 1 & 3 will be the perfect recordings to entice your friends into listening to the explosive 4th season.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Stuart Laws ("very funny" New York Post) and David Hannant ("Intelligent humour" New Kid) present a fast-paced and funny podcast that takes on any topic and adds ridiculous jingles, stupid characters and an obsession with wordplay.

In preparation for the April premiere of season 4, Stuart & David present to you a compilation episode of all the best bits from season 1. First recorded in autumn 2011 this podcast and the soon to follow best ofs season 2 & 3 will be the perfect recordings to entice your friends into listening to the explosive 4th season.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Season three reaches a dramatic conclusion with a double-episode and a delve into Stuart's love for European sweets and biscuits before a meeting between two unlikely characters. Stay tuned for the shock twist. Thank you to everyone who listened to the podcast this season, how about telling the world about it and letting us know your favourite episode with the hashtage: #lawsandhannant

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:
@thisstuartlaws: Why won't my dolphin use the damn dolphin flap?
@DavidHannant: @SeanMcLoughling on fire
@hannahwarman: I just tagged a v flattering 'caught unawares' photo of myself on Facebook and then commented 'OMG who took this? I look so ugly! Untag!'

Remember how everyone loved watching the TV series 'The Wire'? It was hard hitting and gave people the feeling that they were really getting to see the real criminal world. This episode of the podcast is just like that.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:
@thisstuartlaws: I like seeded grapes because it means the matches in the later rounds are between better grapes.
@DavidHannant: Is Sports Direct really the only High St. retailer with the guts to stock Hi-Tec Silver Shadows?
@ComedyBurble: Topical Jim Davidson joke.

Ok, the results are in for the podcast presidential election. Laws got 33% of the vote, Hannant 33% and a surprise 33% for Laura Dern throws the election into chaos. You still have time to cast your vote because, well, because this doesn't matter at all.

HEY

Can you tell 1 person that this is actually a decent 12 minutes of your life and worth listening to? And maybe leave a review on iTunes or your listening vestibule of choice. Maybe slam us for using vestibule incorrectly.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:
@thisstuartlaws: "Speed 2 is the only sequel that is also a spoof of the original film."
@DavidHannant: "It's a belter this week. A BELTER. You will laugh out loud: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/laws-hannant-sessions-podcast/id484694848 … (non-iTunes: http://lawsandhannant.podomatic.com/entry/2012-12-19T02_00_00-08_00 …)"
@omega_saidi: "listen mate, Lamb Bhuna's don't just cook themselves"

We're on the home straight in this season and that means the storylines are starting to edge closer to resolution, unless, what's that? A new character? Maybe that'll be the shot in the arm this season desperately needs. Oh I give up, who reads this anyway?

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:
@thisstuartlaws: Just got kicked out of a sauna because I made a joke about it getting 'otter and 'otter. Didn't realise an otter owned the place.
@DavidHannant: @JayCowle @thisstuartlaws Not only will the vole be alive. He'll be dressed as a colonel. #lawsandhannant #beliebe
@SeanMcLoughling: as in THE Ukraine?

After weeks of campaigning the day of the live debate and election has arrived for the #lawsandhannant Podcast Presidential Podcast Election. Today the debate moderator will get the candidates to make final arguments for your vote and over the course of the next week you, the listener, will get to vote for your Podcast President. Just tweet your vote for David/Stuart/Artemus by tweeting their name with the hashtag #lawsandhannant.

Or message us.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant

We're over the halfway hump and laughter is filling the air. Hannant & Laws, the best double act since Rosa Parks and Jim Recreation, are back with more wonderful chat and fast-paced humour.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:

@thisstuartlaws: Celeb spot: Damian Lewis in an episode of Homeland @heatworld
@DavidHannant: I got so bored of scavenging at the seaside I fell into a beachcomber
@tobiwilson56: Well that's definitely too early to be hungry.

New episode, new smell, new direction. More of the same from David Hannant and Stuart Laws in what is fast becoming the third season of the popular TV series Alias (re-invention, stars Melissa George, more difficult to follow).

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:
@thisstuartlaws: I feel bad for spies because they don't get the time to watch DVD boxsets
@DavidHannant: I asked Bonnie Tyler to prepare a video montage of ALL the human organs. Just finished watching and it's totally clips of the heart.
@mrdanielberg: 'Casper - The Friendly Ghost' is such a captivating film concept. You immediately conjure up a lovely story. I'm being totally serious.

The best comedy podcast in the world returns with the birthing of a new feature and a gratuitous mention of The Bay of Pigs. Enjoy.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:
@thisstuartlaws: I wonder if Scientology has any skeletons in the old L. Ron Cupboard?
@DavidHannant: Think I'll get some body art on my shoulder blade. Anyone know a tattoo artist with a good back catalogue?
@IChrisBoyd: 35 Miles To Sheffield

This week Stuart and David are joined by a guest for a rather tense and dramatic opening to the podcast. A couple of stings from David Hannant's House of Tunes also feature, along with some wonderful music by Al Clayton. Stuart also reveals a personal anecdote near the end. All in all this is probably one of the best podcasts out there.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Tweets of the week:

@DavidHannant: My mate had a testicle removed for no reason. He's an oddball.
@thisstuartlaws: Toys R Us theme tune change is worse than The Bill's.
@MrNishKumar: The internet is incredible.

Please submit your tweets to Twitter to be in with a chance of making our top three next week.

Stuart and David have really gotten into the swing of things. This is actually their 27th episode ever and they edge closer to syndication. If you do enjoy this episode then do be sure to think about it twice afterwards. Before and after dinner.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Shout out to all of you.

This week sees another unbelievable jingle from Mr Hannant and some extra stings and excitement. It's becoming less about the chat and more about David's attempts to get signed to a record label.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant

We're back!

There is one use of the "f" word in this but we haven't bleeped it because it is essential listening.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com
http://www.twitter.com/DavidHannant
http://www.twitter.com/thisstuartlaws

Like all great series this one had to end at some point. The plotlines that have carefully been explored and developed throughout the past 3 months have now reached a point where they need to be tied up, popped in the microwave and given a jolly good heating.

If you have enjoyed the series then please tell your friends, also do come to our stand-up comedy shows that we perform in. David Hannant and Stuart Laws, those are our names.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

And we're aware that 2.10,2.11,2.12 does not follow 2.9 in classic math.

In podcasts, everyone can hear you scream.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

Montauk is the location of 4000 residents, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind references and a radar dish that sparked conspiracies so extravagant that, if true, would alter our current understanding of physics. In the 1980s Montauk was a great location for a conspiracy: remote, small-town America but close enough to New York to potentially endanger a big population. These days it is a tourist destination that boasts of beautiful beaches and bustling bed & breakfasts. Hardly the location for a time-traveling, invisible, electromagnetic warship.

In 1943 the Philadelphia Experiment was rumoured to have taken place in Pennsylvania. The USS Eldridge and a full crew was to be made invisible to radar by taking advantage of an aspect of Einstein's 'Unified Field Theory'. Large electromagnetic devices were fitted to the warship and activated to create an electromagnetic field around the USS Eldridge. Reports differ as to what actually happened. From invisibility to radar to actual invisibility and, on their reappearance, the crew experiencing mental disorders. Some reports have it that the crew actually fused with the steel hulls.

Conspiracies are normally retro-fitted to events, facts are cherry-picked to fit a narrative that will provide a worldview that the theorist wishes was true. 9/11 could only be orchestrated by our government because the military industrial complex wanted to build new war machines to fight a new enemy. If it was really just a ragtag band of radical Islamists it would mean that the US government isn’t all-powerful. That might mean that all of the other bad things in our lives are not because of a powerful government conspiracy. It probably means that we have to accept responsibility for some of the more disappointing elements in our life.

If experience has taught us anything it is that humans are flawed, selfish and forgetful. The organisation and commitment required to plan, develop and enact a conspiracy would be so grand that it would either fall apart immediately or someone would leak details to the press. When the head of MI:6 can’t keep holiday photos secret it seems unlikely he’d be involved in subterfuge with aliens. Unless they got him a good deal on a fly-drive to Corsica. Despite that some surveys have it that 20% of people believe that aliens live amongst us. Even the clear progression of abduction stories (now aliens but used to be vampires, then witches and mythical beasts) over time showing that humans have sought to explain why some people sometimes go missing, never to return, and some return with amnesia. Could be another human doing murders, could be getting wasted and not wanting to admit to it. But it could be a succubus. Maybe.

As humans we seem predisposed to seek order and desire explanations. Why did the woman who normally orders a medium latte order an espresso today? Why did my boyfriend cheat on me? Why are soldiers returning from war with changed personalities? Despite simple explanations being the most likely they also seem to be the least fulfilling. Complexity convinces. It’s been proven that humans will rate a prediction as more likely to be fulfilled the more complex it is. Occam’s Razor would suggest that the woman was in a rush, your didn’t love you enough and war fucks you up. Another complicating factor is the belief that the more significant the event the more significant the causes must be. It seems like the human brain is a structure built specifically to believe things are more complex than they are and need to be explained. This, at least, explains the success of the film Lost In Translation.

Conspiracies do occasionally occur, that shouldn’t be ignored. Clinton had to apologise for STD trials conducted on the poor black population in 1920s America. The truth is that the conspiracies that do succeed in remaining secretive are normally small-scale and in small towns. But because of a complexity bias in our psychology we choose to believe that the bigger the conspiracy, the more likely it is true. Conspiracies that involve treachery at the highest level of government, suppression of alien contact, widespread drugs trials and experiments that break the accepted laws of the universe are believed by a staggering number of people. Recent news announced that some neutrinos were recorded as breaking the speed of light. This could have enormous consequences for science and technology and yet it was in the news before confirmation research was conducted. The truth is out there, mainly in press releases.

Religion seems to operate on the same human tendencies. It explains an often cruel and random existence by telling you that someone is in charge. A higher power that we can’t see or experience but who is working in mysterious ways. It is an attempt to deflect from the depressing likelihood that we are complex collections of carbon that continually cause conflict and create confusion. Which then raises the fear that we truly are free to do whatever our subconscious tells us to do, that no-one is actually in charge and that we can only really blame ourselves. Because inherent in all conspiracies, religions, superstitions and “secrets to unlocking the perfect life” are attempts to imbue greater significance on a world that doesn’t deserve it. Except Montauk, because that is a beautiful seaside town, with nothing sinister going on.

This is a really American themed episode. Deal with it. Tombstone is referenced.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

This week David and Stuart recorded their show in front of a live studio audience and want you now to have the opportunity to hear their musings. This episode features discussions around evolution, catchphrases and David's most embarrassing moment. It also features quite possibly the best jingle ever.

Listen, enjoy, repeat, repatriate (if you've unpatriated).

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

David Hannant and Stuart Laws kowtow to no-one. But. They have been doing some cow-towing recently. Cow-towing is a relatively new sport that involves seeing who can transport the most number of cows from one service station on the M25, to the other. You can choose any method of transportation but the norm is towing, a simple method, assuming you have the trailer capabilities. Anyway, please join in at the next event. You'll find details on the website.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

Shout out to Target.

David and Stuart return to discuss their nicknames and to do some amazing stuff based around Bejam. Thanks for listening, my interest in writing a long description this week is not at its peak so I'm sort of trailing off and forgetting about punctuation. Oh, remembered it there. I'm also watching a FAIL video online at the same time as this so my focus isn't on the task in hond.

Little joke there with the spelling mistake.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

I met some penguins at the weekend, that's where my mind is really at.

Thanks for all the correspondence from the previous episode. We're just getting through the sack now. If you're interested then this episode contains some good references. It also contains a beautiful story about David's spittle.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

Hi Sarah.

This week features a bigger boatload of film references than ever before and for that reason I think it's far better than the podcast that slimed into your ear last week. If you like Dark Water, Labyrinth, Minority Report, Jim Carrey, The Evil Dead and one secret reference then you'll love this week. And hey, if you do like this podcast we'd really appreciate your help in getting other people to listen to it.

Next week I will write a short essay in this blurb. It will be about dualism. Or will it?

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

There have also been stories emerging of people falling asleep to this podcast. I will say again: it is only 12 minutes (except this week is a bit longer). Shout out this week goes to Gooseberry Collins and Maurice Dibben.

I think this is the worst one of the series/season. Do listen and offer us your thoughts on how to improve next week. @thisstuartlaws and @DavidHannant

SHOUT OUT TO NATASSIA. Does anyone read this?

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

This is the best episode of the series. It's brilliant. It also introduces another jingle into the mix. If you like this one then Tweet @DavidHannant or @thisstuartlaws and say "Jingle 5". In total we have received two votes for best jingle so far. Anyway, this shout out goes to Al Clayton, he definitely doesn't listen, despite him being the sound engineer on these wonderful sounding podcasts.

Interesting thing: sloths are very agile swimmers.

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

David and Stuart return slightly late this week because they're giving you the gift of a slightly longer podcast. ONLY SLIGHTLY LONGER. It will tackle the weighty topic of table nests and of the controversial jingle to the podcast. Hope you enjoy and we hope you enjoy so much that you tell other people to listen. @thisstuartlaws @DavidHannant We'd both like to say hello to Chris Boyd. Hi Chris!

http://www.turtlecanyoncomedy.com

David and Stuart welcome you back for a new run of definitely hilarious podcasts. There will be some changes this season but to ease you back in all your old favourites are present and correct. Join in the conversation by chatting to us when we see you. It's polite. @thisstuartlaws & @davidhannant